The Princes Room at the magnificent Grand Hotel in Eastbourne was the setting for the marriage of these two wonderful people in May 2025. The Sussex Registrars were happy to perform the legal aspects of the marriage immediately preceeding my ceremony – even kindly handing over and introducing me to the front of the room.
A Symbolic ‘Unity Candle’ prayer
My couple had chosen to include the Unity Candle symbolic action near the beginning of their ceremony. This is a beautiful way to show that their lives are now one, by illuminating a central pillar candle with the two candles which symbolise their individual lives ; however, by keeping their own candles lit, they symbolise the importance of their individual personalities and philosophies. This was enhanced with significant, personally selected readings from Tolkein and CS Lewis.
A souvenir certificate
Even though they had now completed the legal aspects and signed the registrar’s certificate of marriage earlier in the ceremony, I always provide a bespoke souvenir certificate to enhance the civil celebration part of their wedding, which I officiate. On this occasion, the pianist Phil Morton, underscored the signing with Bette Midler’s ‘The Rose’. The certificate was co-signed by both sets of parents.
A great connection between celebrant and clients is vital
With their mutual passion for amateur musical theatre, we had fast established a coincidental connection during our first conversation. They had cemented their relationship journey, having both appeared in a local amateur production of Stiles and Drewes ‘Just So!’ – I was delighted to share that George Stiles and Anthony Drewe, the composer and lyricist of this musical were close friends of mine since our university days in Exeter in the early ’80s! Also, I appeared in the very original professional production of ‘Just So!’ in 1984, in Plymouth. And so, with our mutual interest in musicals, it was a joy to work with my couple to create the perfect wedding ceremony.
Why a Celebration of Life Matters — Especially After a Direct Cremation or When There Has Been No Funeral
As a funeral celebrant based in Sussex, I meet many families who are navigating the early days of bereavement without having had a traditional funeral. Sometimes this is because their loved one chose a direct cremation, sometimes it’s due to circumstance, and sometimes the family simply didn’t feel ready for a ceremony at the time.
Whatever the reason, one thing remains true: people still need a moment to come together, honour a life, and acknowledge their loss. A Celebration of Life ceremony offers exactly that — a meaningful, personal way to say goodbye when no funeral has taken place.
Why a Ceremony Still Matters After a Direct Cremation
Direct cremations have become increasingly popular across the UK. They can be simple, practical, and aligned with someone’s wishes — but they remove the communal ritual that traditionally helps people process grief.
Families often tell me they feel:
That everything happened too quickly
As though they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye
A sense of something “unfinished”
Disconnected from others who are grieving
A Celebration of Life gently fills that emotional space. It creates a shared moment where people can pause, reflect, and remember — together.
If you’re searching for what to do after a direct cremation or how to honour someone without a funeral, a Celebration of Life can be a deeply healing option.
What Is a Celebration of Life?
A Celebration of Life is a flexible, uplifting, and highly personal ceremony designed to honour someone’s story, personality, and legacy. Unlike a traditional funeral, there are no rules or expectations. It can take place:
Weeks or months after the death
Indoors or outdoors
In a garden, village hall, woodland, beach, or favourite local venue
With a large group or a small circle of family and friends
As a Sussex funeral celebrant, I work closely with families to create a ceremony that feels authentic and meaningful.
Your ceremony might include:
Favourite music or songs
Readings, poems, or letters
Stories shared by friends and family
A symbolic act such as lighting candles or planting a tree
A memory table or photo slideshow
Laughter, tears, or a mixture of both
Every element is shaped around the person you’re honouring.
The Emotional Benefits of a Celebration of Life
A Celebration of Life offers something that many people don’t realise they’re missing until they experience it.
1. It brings people together
Grief can feel isolating. A ceremony reconnects people who cared about the same person, offering comfort and support.
2. It focuses on the life, not just the loss
These ceremonies celebrate personality, achievements, relationships, and the unique qualities that made someone who they were.
3. It helps people begin to process the reality of the death
Marking the moment in a shared, intentional way can be an important step in the grieving journey.
4. It provides a meaningful goodbye when one was missing
For families who had no funeral, this can be the moment that brings peace and a sense of completion.
5. It creates lasting, positive memories
People often leave saying, “That felt exactly right,” or “I’ll remember this forever.”
Is It Too Late to Hold a Celebration of Life?
Not at all. Some families hold a ceremony a few weeks after the cremation. Others wait months. Occasionally, people choose to gather a year later on a birthday or anniversary.
There is no “correct” timing — only what feels right for you.
A Celebration of Life can be:
Joyful
Quiet and reflective
A storytelling evening
A family‑only moment
A community gathering
The flexibility is one of its greatest strengths.
Planning a Celebration of Life in Sussex
If you’re in Sussex and considering how to honour someone after a direct cremation or without a funeral, I’m here to help. As a local celebrant, I support families across East Sussex and West Sussex to create ceremonies that feel personal, heartfelt, and true to the person being remembered.
Together, we can craft a ceremony that:
Reflects your loved one’s personality
Brings people together
Offers comfort and connection
Creates a meaningful moment of remembrance
Every life deserves to be celebrated. Every goodbye deserves to be meaningful.
Afterglow
I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times, and laughing times, and bright and sunny days.
I’d like tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun
Of happy memories that I leave, when life is done.
“In the old stories, love was not whispered — it was carried openly into the world, a flame bright enough to guide heroes through darkness. So it was with Iolaos and Heracles, two souls who walked side by side, sharing strength, sharing burdens, sharing the quiet knowledge that life is gentler when a trusted hand is always within reach. At the tomb of Iolaos, couples once pledged themselves to a love that asked for courage, for tenderness, for the promise to stand together through every season of their lives. Today, we honour that same spirit. May your love be a sanctuary — a place where each of you finds rest, and each of you finds fire. May you walk together as the Sacred Band once did, not in battle, but in harmony — each step a reminder that devotion is a choice, renewed day after day. And may your hearts, like theirs, be remembered not for the vows spoken here, but for the way you keep choosing one another in all the days still to come.”
Mark Inscoe
In the rich tapestry of ancient Greek culture, love between men was not merely acknowledged — it was honoured, ritualised, and woven into civic and military life. Among the most poignant traditions was the practice of male couples making sacred vows at the tomb of Iolaos, the beloved companion of Heracles. This ritual echoed powerfully in the story of the Sacred Band of Thebes, whose final stand at the Battle of Chaeronea in 338 BCE remains one of history’s most enduring symbols of devotion and courage.
The Mythic Heart: Iolaos and Heracles
Iolaos is remembered in Greek mythology as the devoted companion — and in some traditions, the lover — of Heracles. He stood beside the hero in battle, shared his trials, and became a symbol of loyal partnership in Theban culture. Though your search results did not include a direct source on Iolaos, his role is well established in classical literature.
Sacred Vows at the Tomb of Iolaos
In Theban tradition, male couples would visit the tomb of Iolaos to swear vows of lifelong devotion. This was not marriage in the modern legal sense, but it was unmistakably a ritual of union, carrying spiritual and social significance. Couples chose this site for several reasons:
Iolaos embodied the ideal of loving partnership: His bond with Heracles was celebrated as a model of loyalty and mutual support.
Love and heroism were intertwined: To bind oneself at the tomb of a hero was to declare that the relationship was publicly honourable.
A sacred lineage of lovers: Each couple who made vows there joined a symbolic lineage of heroic male pairs.
The Sacred Band of Thebes: Love as Military Power
The most famous expression of Theban ideals was the Sacred Band, an elite military unit composed of 150 pairs of male lovers¹. Their reasoning was simple and profound: a man will fight more fiercely beside the one he loves — a belief echoed in Plato’s Symposium and reflected in Theban military policy². The Sacred Band became legendary for their discipline, unity, and courage, reshaping the balance of power in Greece.
The Battle of Chaeronea (338 BCE): A Tragic Testament
At Chaeronea, the Sacred Band made their final stand. Surrounded and outnumbered, they refused to retreat. When the battle ended, every member of the Band lay dead — not scattered, but fallen side by side, still forming a defensive line¹.
When Philip II surveyed the bodies, he is said to have wept, declaring: “Perish any man who suspects that these men either did or suffered anything unseemly.”¹
Their sacrifice became a symbol of the power of love — not as sentiment, but as a force capable of shaping history.
Legacy and Reflection
The tradition of making vows at the tomb of Iolaos and the story of the Sacred Band reveal a culture that understood something profound: love between men could be a source of honour, strength, and civic virtue. Thebes celebrated this truth openly. Their rituals, myths, and military institutions affirmed that such bonds were sacred, heroic, and foundational to the life of the city.
These stories offer a powerful reminder: the history of love is vast, diverse, and deeply human. Honouring it — in all its forms — is part of our craft, our calling, and our contribution to a more inclusive and resonant world.
Footnotes
Wikipedia 2026, Sacred Band of Thebes, Wikimedia Foundation.
Bennett, A. 2025, The Theban Elite Army of Lovers Who Defeated the Mighty Spartans, TheCollector, 11 July.
History Skills 2026, The Sacred Band of Thebes: Elite Warriors of Ancient Greece.
A reading for a modern Gay Marriage, Commitment or Vow Renewal Ceremony
“In the stories of ancient Thebes, love was not a quiet thing. It was a force that shaped heroes, bound companions, and strengthened the very walls of the city. At the tomb of Iolaos, couples pledged themselves to one another — not for glory, but for the simple truth that life is braver when shared. Today, we honour that same spirit. May your partnership be a place of courage and tenderness. May you stand beside one another as the Sacred Band once stood — each a source of strength, each a shelter for the other. And may your love, like theirs, be remembered not for how it began, but for how fiercely it endured.”
“Several attendees commented on how well Mark had conducted the ceremony…. We feel so blessed to have had Mark at our side.”
“he is an excellent professional…. a person with empathy and true feelings for the people that he is dealing with…..Mark went beyond our expectations and is highly recommended.”
“From meeting Mark for the first time…. he was very welcoming.. He made me and my brother feel comfortable..”
“What a wonderful celebrant…I would certainly recommend Mark to anybody wishing for a caring , sensitive and loving service for their loved one.”
“Mark certainly went above and beyond. I cannot praise Mark enough….Strongly recommend Mark – 5* is not enough.”
“Mark did a brilliant job, preparation was stress-free….he delivered a personal and fitting service on the day.”
Following a successful Celebrant Conference in Nottingham at The Village Hotel, Beeston, I am thrilled, as civilcelebrantsussex, with the feedback from my Workshop in Body Language. I am also so happy to have received a nomination in the BEST FUNERAL CELEBRANT category – I congratulate all of the worthy winners in all categories. Thank you to the entire AOIC team for your continued support and friendship.
As Mark Inscoe @civilcelebrantsussex, I am delighted to be asked by the AOIC to present a Workshop as part of their annual conference 2025. This will be held on Saturday, September 27th, at The Village Hotel, Beeston, Nottingham.
‘First Impressions – a workshop in body language’
In your role as celebrant, you need to give your clients confidence in your ability by presenting a calming and confident presence. Body language is a natural and often subconscious energy which we all display. It is said that around 70-90% of communication is unspoken, but rather how we physically interact and read one another. Couples and Funeral celebrant Mark Inscoe has an understanding of the importance of body language, in his long career as a professional actor. Through this interactive workshop, improve your awareness of how we read one another when meeting new clients.
This workshop will be included alongside the wonderful Justine Coombs @justinecelebrantuk, Tina Naldrett & Simon Savage, Kirstie Atherton and Obitus & Westerleigh.
The highlight of the Saturday evening’s Gala Dinner will be the Annual Celebrant Awards Ceremony 2025, and I am delighted to have been nominated in the Best Funeral Celebrant category.
What are the unique benefits of having a Civil Celebrant with a West-End Musical Theatre Background?
Imagine your ceremony being created and delivered by an experienced West-End actor/singer.
My name is Mark Inscoe; but I have been known as Raoul, Grantaire, Henry Higgins, King Richard the Lionheart, Dean Martin, Lumiere and even Bernadette!
Now, I am a fully trained, Brighton-based civil celebrant creating and delivering couples ceremonies, weddings, commitments, vow renewals; also funeral and celebration of life ceremonies and naming ceremonies. I cover not only Sussex, but have worked further afield, nationally and internationally, including destination weddings in Mallorca.
I have enjoyed an extraordinary career, previously, performing in numerous musical theatre productions, many in London’s West End. Musicals including Les Miserables, The Phantom of The Opera, Sunset Boulevard, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and The Ratpack Live from Las Vegas!
When it comes to planning a wedding or commitment ceremony, the choice of celebrant can make a significant difference in the overall experience. Imagine having a civil celebrant who not only brings professionalism and warmth to your ceremony, but also has a background in West-End musical theatre. This unique combination offers several benefits that can make your special day truly unforgettable.
Exceptional Presentation Skills
As a celebrant with a career in West-End musical theatre, I am no stranger to the stage. My experience in performing before large audiences means I possess exceptional presentation skills. I know how to project my voice, maintain eye contact, and engage with the audience, ensuring that every word of your ceremony is heard and felt by all present.
Creative Flair
Theatre professionals are inherently creative individuals. As a celebrant with a varied theatrical background, I can bring a touch of creativity and flair to your ceremony. Whether it’s through the use of dramatic pauses, expressive readings, or even incorporating elements of performance, I can craft a ceremony that is both unique and memorable.
Personalized Touch
One of the hallmarks of a great celebrant is their ability to personalize the ceremony to reflect the couple’s story and values. As a celebrant with a background in musical theatre, I am adept at storytelling and can weave your personal narrative into the ceremony in a way that resonates deeply with you and your guests. My ability to connect emotionally with the audience ensures that your ceremony feels intimate and heartfelt.
Confidence and Poise
Performing in the West-End requires a high level of confidence and poise. These qualities are invaluable in a celebrant, especially when unexpected situations arise. Whether it’s dealing with a sudden change in weather or calming pre-ceremony jitters, a celebrant with theatrical experience can handle any situation with grace and composure.
Enhanced Atmosphere
Theatre professionals understand the importance of atmosphere and ambience. As a celebrant with a background in musical theatre, I can help set the tone for your ceremony, creating an atmosphere that is both celebratory and solemn. My ability to read the room and adjust my delivery accordingly ensures that the ceremony flows smoothly and keeps everyone engaged.
Memorable Performances
If you’re looking to add a special touch to your ceremony, with my experience, I can offer a unique performance. Whether it’s singing a meaningful song, reciting a poem with dramatic flair, or even incorporating a short theatrical piece, my previous experience can add an extra layer of magic to your special day.
Professionalism and Reliability
Theatre professionals are known for their dedication and professionalism. As a celebrant with a West End background, I bring this same level of commitment to my role. You can trust that I will be well-prepared, punctual, and fully invested in making your ceremony a success.
Conclusion
Choosing a civil celebrant with a career in West-End musical theatre offers a range of benefits that can elevate your ceremony to new heights.
I have been asked to use my singing skill to add a different highlight to a couple’s celebration ceremony – for example;
While they were signing their souvenir certificate at their Vow Renewal ceremony, one couple asked if I would sing an significant song (‘She Wears My Ring’ by Elvis Presley) which had been played for their first dance, 30 years previously.
Another couple who had both been married before, were celebrating their marriage together. I sang ‘The Second Time Around’ by Frank Sinatra, the beautiful lyrics of which could have been written for them!
My presentation skills, creative flair, and ability to personalize the ceremony ensure that your special day is both memorable and meaningful. With my confidence, poise, and professional dedication, you can rest assured that your ceremony will be in capable hands, leaving you free to enjoy every moment of your celebration.
Whether you are looking for an experienced Celebrant to create your perfect wedding Celebration, Commitment or Vow Renewal ceremony; or perhaps you are looking for the ideal Funeral Celebrant to compose and deliver with clarity and confidence, the perfect send-off for a beloved relative or friend; or maybe a trusted, enthusiastic Celebrant to welcome your new child into your family with a special Naming Ceremony – look no further than Mark Inscoe, a Brighton based, trained Celebrant, with a West End musical theatre and voice over background. Serving Sussex and the South East of England, but able to travel anywhere, nationally and internationally.
I understand, with costs going up in most areas of day-to-day living, when it comes to those special ceremonies to mark significant life events, money can be tight. 2024 has not been the easiest of years for many, and with the cost of living hit by unexpected rises due to national or international crises, some people are put off spending on luxury services such as celebrant-led ceremonies! But, these are unique, very special and deeply personal ceremonies, which will be remembered for a lifetime.
In light of these considerations, I have decided to maintain my celebrant service pricing at the current 2024 rates.
Come and meet me this Sunday 17th November, and let’s discuss how a Celebrant-led Ceremony can be the perfect choice to make your special day even more perfect! Your choices of content and your love story throughout your bespoke ceremony.
