The Princes Room at the magnificent Grand Hotel in Eastbourne was the setting for the marriage of these two wonderful people in May 2025. The Sussex Registrars were happy to perform the legal aspects of the marriage immediately preceeding my ceremony – even kindly handing over and introducing me to the front of the room.
A Symbolic ‘Unity Candle’ prayer
My couple had chosen to include the Unity Candle symbolic action near the beginning of their ceremony. This is a beautiful way to show that their lives are now one, by illuminating a central pillar candle with the two candles which symbolise their individual lives ; however, by keeping their own candles lit, they symbolise the importance of their individual personalities and philosophies. This was enhanced with significant, personally selected readings from Tolkein and CS Lewis.
A souvenir certificate
Even though they had now completed the legal aspects and signed the registrar’s certificate of marriage earlier in the ceremony, I always provide a bespoke souvenir certificate to enhance the civil celebration part of their wedding, which I officiate. On this occasion, the pianist Phil Morton, underscored the signing with Bette Midler’s ‘The Rose’. The certificate was co-signed by both sets of parents.
A great connection between celebrant and clients is vital
With their mutual passion for amateur musical theatre, we had fast established a coincidental connection during our first conversation. They had cemented their relationship journey, having both appeared in a local amateur production of Stiles and Drewes ‘Just So!’ – I was delighted to share that George Stiles and Anthony Drewe, the composer and lyricist of this musical were close friends of mine since our university days in Exeter in the early ’80s! Also, I appeared in the very original professional production of ‘Just So!’ in 1984, in Plymouth. And so, with our mutual interest in musicals, it was a joy to work with my couple to create the perfect wedding ceremony.
Why a Celebration of Life Matters — Especially After a Direct Cremation or When There Has Been No Funeral
As a funeral celebrant based in Sussex, I meet many families who are navigating the early days of bereavement without having had a traditional funeral. Sometimes this is because their loved one chose a direct cremation, sometimes it’s due to circumstance, and sometimes the family simply didn’t feel ready for a ceremony at the time.
Whatever the reason, one thing remains true: people still need a moment to come together, honour a life, and acknowledge their loss. A Celebration of Life ceremony offers exactly that — a meaningful, personal way to say goodbye when no funeral has taken place.
Why a Ceremony Still Matters After a Direct Cremation
Direct cremations have become increasingly popular across the UK. They can be simple, practical, and aligned with someone’s wishes — but they remove the communal ritual that traditionally helps people process grief.
Families often tell me they feel:
That everything happened too quickly
As though they didn’t get a chance to say goodbye
A sense of something “unfinished”
Disconnected from others who are grieving
A Celebration of Life gently fills that emotional space. It creates a shared moment where people can pause, reflect, and remember — together.
If you’re searching for what to do after a direct cremation or how to honour someone without a funeral, a Celebration of Life can be a deeply healing option.
What Is a Celebration of Life?
A Celebration of Life is a flexible, uplifting, and highly personal ceremony designed to honour someone’s story, personality, and legacy. Unlike a traditional funeral, there are no rules or expectations. It can take place:
Weeks or months after the death
Indoors or outdoors
In a garden, village hall, woodland, beach, or favourite local venue
With a large group or a small circle of family and friends
As a Sussex funeral celebrant, I work closely with families to create a ceremony that feels authentic and meaningful.
Your ceremony might include:
Favourite music or songs
Readings, poems, or letters
Stories shared by friends and family
A symbolic act such as lighting candles or planting a tree
A memory table or photo slideshow
Laughter, tears, or a mixture of both
Every element is shaped around the person you’re honouring.
The Emotional Benefits of a Celebration of Life
A Celebration of Life offers something that many people don’t realise they’re missing until they experience it.
1. It brings people together
Grief can feel isolating. A ceremony reconnects people who cared about the same person, offering comfort and support.
2. It focuses on the life, not just the loss
These ceremonies celebrate personality, achievements, relationships, and the unique qualities that made someone who they were.
3. It helps people begin to process the reality of the death
Marking the moment in a shared, intentional way can be an important step in the grieving journey.
4. It provides a meaningful goodbye when one was missing
For families who had no funeral, this can be the moment that brings peace and a sense of completion.
5. It creates lasting, positive memories
People often leave saying, “That felt exactly right,” or “I’ll remember this forever.”
Is It Too Late to Hold a Celebration of Life?
Not at all. Some families hold a ceremony a few weeks after the cremation. Others wait months. Occasionally, people choose to gather a year later on a birthday or anniversary.
There is no “correct” timing — only what feels right for you.
A Celebration of Life can be:
Joyful
Quiet and reflective
A storytelling evening
A family‑only moment
A community gathering
The flexibility is one of its greatest strengths.
Planning a Celebration of Life in Sussex
If you’re in Sussex and considering how to honour someone after a direct cremation or without a funeral, I’m here to help. As a local celebrant, I support families across East Sussex and West Sussex to create ceremonies that feel personal, heartfelt, and true to the person being remembered.
Together, we can craft a ceremony that:
Reflects your loved one’s personality
Brings people together
Offers comfort and connection
Creates a meaningful moment of remembrance
Every life deserves to be celebrated. Every goodbye deserves to be meaningful.
Afterglow
I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times, and laughing times, and bright and sunny days.
I’d like tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun
Of happy memories that I leave, when life is done.
“In the old stories, love was not whispered — it was carried openly into the world, a flame bright enough to guide heroes through darkness. So it was with Iolaos and Heracles, two souls who walked side by side, sharing strength, sharing burdens, sharing the quiet knowledge that life is gentler when a trusted hand is always within reach. At the tomb of Iolaos, couples once pledged themselves to a love that asked for courage, for tenderness, for the promise to stand together through every season of their lives. Today, we honour that same spirit. May your love be a sanctuary — a place where each of you finds rest, and each of you finds fire. May you walk together as the Sacred Band once did, not in battle, but in harmony — each step a reminder that devotion is a choice, renewed day after day. And may your hearts, like theirs, be remembered not for the vows spoken here, but for the way you keep choosing one another in all the days still to come.”
Mark Inscoe
In the rich tapestry of ancient Greek culture, love between men was not merely acknowledged — it was honoured, ritualised, and woven into civic and military life. Among the most poignant traditions was the practice of male couples making sacred vows at the tomb of Iolaos, the beloved companion of Heracles. This ritual echoed powerfully in the story of the Sacred Band of Thebes, whose final stand at the Battle of Chaeronea in 338 BCE remains one of history’s most enduring symbols of devotion and courage.
The Mythic Heart: Iolaos and Heracles
Iolaos is remembered in Greek mythology as the devoted companion — and in some traditions, the lover — of Heracles. He stood beside the hero in battle, shared his trials, and became a symbol of loyal partnership in Theban culture. Though your search results did not include a direct source on Iolaos, his role is well established in classical literature.
Sacred Vows at the Tomb of Iolaos
In Theban tradition, male couples would visit the tomb of Iolaos to swear vows of lifelong devotion. This was not marriage in the modern legal sense, but it was unmistakably a ritual of union, carrying spiritual and social significance. Couples chose this site for several reasons:
Iolaos embodied the ideal of loving partnership: His bond with Heracles was celebrated as a model of loyalty and mutual support.
Love and heroism were intertwined: To bind oneself at the tomb of a hero was to declare that the relationship was publicly honourable.
A sacred lineage of lovers: Each couple who made vows there joined a symbolic lineage of heroic male pairs.
The Sacred Band of Thebes: Love as Military Power
The most famous expression of Theban ideals was the Sacred Band, an elite military unit composed of 150 pairs of male lovers¹. Their reasoning was simple and profound: a man will fight more fiercely beside the one he loves — a belief echoed in Plato’s Symposium and reflected in Theban military policy². The Sacred Band became legendary for their discipline, unity, and courage, reshaping the balance of power in Greece.
The Battle of Chaeronea (338 BCE): A Tragic Testament
At Chaeronea, the Sacred Band made their final stand. Surrounded and outnumbered, they refused to retreat. When the battle ended, every member of the Band lay dead — not scattered, but fallen side by side, still forming a defensive line¹.
When Philip II surveyed the bodies, he is said to have wept, declaring: “Perish any man who suspects that these men either did or suffered anything unseemly.”¹
Their sacrifice became a symbol of the power of love — not as sentiment, but as a force capable of shaping history.
Legacy and Reflection
The tradition of making vows at the tomb of Iolaos and the story of the Sacred Band reveal a culture that understood something profound: love between men could be a source of honour, strength, and civic virtue. Thebes celebrated this truth openly. Their rituals, myths, and military institutions affirmed that such bonds were sacred, heroic, and foundational to the life of the city.
These stories offer a powerful reminder: the history of love is vast, diverse, and deeply human. Honouring it — in all its forms — is part of our craft, our calling, and our contribution to a more inclusive and resonant world.
Footnotes
Wikipedia 2026, Sacred Band of Thebes, Wikimedia Foundation.
Bennett, A. 2025, The Theban Elite Army of Lovers Who Defeated the Mighty Spartans, TheCollector, 11 July.
History Skills 2026, The Sacred Band of Thebes: Elite Warriors of Ancient Greece.
A reading for a modern Gay Marriage, Commitment or Vow Renewal Ceremony
“In the stories of ancient Thebes, love was not a quiet thing. It was a force that shaped heroes, bound companions, and strengthened the very walls of the city. At the tomb of Iolaos, couples pledged themselves to one another — not for glory, but for the simple truth that life is braver when shared. Today, we honour that same spirit. May your partnership be a place of courage and tenderness. May you stand beside one another as the Sacred Band once stood — each a source of strength, each a shelter for the other. And may your love, like theirs, be remembered not for how it began, but for how fiercely it endured.”
“Several attendees commented on how well Mark had conducted the ceremony…. We feel so blessed to have had Mark at our side.”
“he is an excellent professional…. a person with empathy and true feelings for the people that he is dealing with…..Mark went beyond our expectations and is highly recommended.”
“From meeting Mark for the first time…. he was very welcoming.. He made me and my brother feel comfortable..”
“What a wonderful celebrant…I would certainly recommend Mark to anybody wishing for a caring , sensitive and loving service for their loved one.”
“Mark certainly went above and beyond. I cannot praise Mark enough….Strongly recommend Mark – 5* is not enough.”
“Mark did a brilliant job, preparation was stress-free….he delivered a personal and fitting service on the day.”
Following a successful Celebrant Conference in Nottingham at The Village Hotel, Beeston, I am thrilled, as civilcelebrantsussex, with the feedback from my Workshop in Body Language. I am also so happy to have received a nomination in the BEST FUNERAL CELEBRANT category – I congratulate all of the worthy winners in all categories. Thank you to the entire AOIC team for your continued support and friendship.
Whether you are looking for an experienced Celebrant to create your perfect wedding Celebration, Commitment or Vow Renewal ceremony; or perhaps you are looking for the ideal Funeral Celebrant to compose and deliver with clarity and confidence, the perfect send-off for a beloved relative or friend; or maybe a trusted, enthusiastic Celebrant to welcome your new child into your family with a special Naming Ceremony – look no further than Mark Inscoe, a Brighton based, trained Celebrant, with a West End musical theatre and voice over background. Serving Sussex and the South East of England, but able to travel anywhere, nationally and internationally.
I understand, with costs going up in most areas of day-to-day living, when it comes to those special ceremonies to mark significant life events, money can be tight. 2024 has not been the easiest of years for many, and with the cost of living hit by unexpected rises due to national or international crises, some people are put off spending on luxury services such as celebrant-led ceremonies! But, these are unique, very special and deeply personal ceremonies, which will be remembered for a lifetime.
In light of these considerations, I have decided to maintain my celebrant service pricing at the current 2024 rates.
Come and meet me this Sunday 17th November, and let’s discuss how a Celebrant-led Ceremony can be the perfect choice to make your special day even more perfect! Your choices of content and your love story throughout your bespoke ceremony.
This Sunday, 28th April, I am exhibiting my services as WEDDING CELEBRANT @civilcelebrantsussex at this charming rustic/chic venue just north of Worthing in West Sussex.
Come and meet me, your Wedding Celebrant Mark, and other wonderful local Sussex suppliers.
Let’s talk about creating your perfect day and the most special, personalised Wedding Celebration Ceremony, whether you’re using this venue or elsewhere. The joy of having a celebrant-led ceremony, is that you don’t need a licensed venue – you can have your ceremony anywhere!
With FREE Entry for all plus Goody Bags for engaged couples including a FREE copy of Your Sussex Wedding Magazine. All attendees can enter the competition to WIN a Honeymoon!
The theatre of civil ceremony, with Mark Inscoe @civilcelebrantsussex
A fresh, charismatic personality enters the expanding network of independent civil celebrants.
I am currently based in the wonderfully bohemian city of Brighton, fringed by the wide expanse of the widest part of the English Channel. I’m a true ‘water baby’ – I guess being a Piscean, I have a real connection with water. Swimming, paddleboarding, scuba, in addition to almost daily meditation/contemplation time on the beach, all have been a big part of my lifestyle.
I have enjoyed a long and successful career as an actor, working mainly in Musical Theatre. I have appeared in the original London casts of ‘Sunset Boulevard’, ‘Grand Hotel’ and ‘Priscilla, Queen of the Desert’. I was in the early companies of ‘Les Miserables’ and ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ in the West End, played Lumiere in Disney’s ‘Beauty and the Beast’, on the UK tour, Dean Martin in ‘The Ratpack, Live from Las Vegas’ at The Savoy Theatre, and since then I have appeared as Dean in numerous theatre and corporate shows and in my solo cabaret. More recently, I portrayed Florenz Ziegfeld in ‘Funny Girl’ in Paris for 5 months, returning to the UK straight into Lockdown!
I am a voice-over artist and have been heard narrating various TV documentaries, voicing characters on the BAFTA winning game ‘Divinity, Original Sin II’ and was the voice of the ‘E Harmony’ commercial campaign for three years! Perhaps I had been, in part, responsible for bringing couples together! So, it’s ironic that I now work as a wedding celebrant!
Covid lockdown forced a career rethink for many…Actor, Mark Inscoe considers Civil Celebrancy …
The voice work was a lifesaver throughout the covid lockdown, as I already had the facility to record from home. But, like many, this period of disruption forced a rethink of my career. I was inspired by a theatre colleague who moved into the civil ceremony industry about 7 years ago and is now enjoying great success as an independent civil celebrant. In early 2021, I was asked to sing at the funeral of a close friend’s father and Alison Ann was the celebrant. Seeing her in action started the thought process that this was work which would be hugely rewarding.
This was to be my ‘Eureka’ moment!
Alison’s advice has been invaluable, guiding me to the best training, with Civil Ceremonies Ltd, pioneers in the expanding interest in non-religious ceremonies. With the tutorship and guidance of Ann Barber and her wonderful team of experienced celebrants, I qualified with two Level 3 Diplomas. I have entered the business with so much background knowledge and pride in the craft of writing and delivering personalised ceremonies, the perfect work to utilize the skill set and life experience gained over decades of being an actor. Civil Celebrancy is a sort of theatre in many ways in it’s creativity and presentation.
In 2022, I began to establish my new business under the name ‘Civil Celebrant Sussex’. I decided to enrol in two nationally recognised level 3 diplomas and worked on the courses back-to-back. spent an intense 6 months of training and qualifying in both Funeral Celebrancy and Naming & Couples Celebrancy. By the end of the year I was ready to launch.
This followed a short contract at Christmas, to play Widow Twankey in the pantomime Aladdin, at the Brighton Centre, having been postposed from the previous Christmas because of lockdown – I was playing opposite the utterly fabulous, Anita Dobson!
The benefits of having had experience as an actor are obvious to many; Confidence in presenting live to an audience, making that delivery interesting and engaging – but it’s important to remember that the focus of the ceremony is the client, whether that be the couple, the deceased or even the subject of a naming ceremony! ‘It’s not about me’! – the ‘actor’s ego’ must be controlled, the ceremony should not be, unless specifically requested, theatrical! However, clarity in delivery is essential.
I have come into this new career as a mature person and my many decades of life experience certainly help in understanding the client’s needs, drawing from personal experiences and knowledge and sourcing material to include and enhance ceremonies. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, so although not now practicing, I am very open to include some religious content, if it’s requested. One thing which encouraged my desire to provide bespoke civil ceremonies, is the widespread inflexible attitude of the church, when it comes to secular music and reading choice. As an example, whilst helping my Mum to arrange my father’s funeral and thanksgiving mass with the Catholic church, we were not even permitted to use the song ‘Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong – hardly inappropriate.
I love the challenge of featuring mixed cultural references and traditions within a ceremony. I was recently asked if I could include a traditional Greek ‘crown’ symbolic action – a beautiful moment involving the couple wearing wreath crowns connected together by a ribbon and worn during the declaration of vows and ring exchange.
Having lived in Brighton for over 20 years, I have been a part of this very vibrant, diverse and forward-thinking community which, for me, is an ideal location to launch my new career. I have been an active part of the LGBTQ+ community for most of my life and I am passionate about creating fully inclusive and colourful ceremonies, with complete equality always at the front of my mind.
There has to be a lot of focus, as a self-employed celebrant, to establish a reputation and to get my name out into the marketplace.
One of my first actions, was to become a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants (AOIC) – an organisation which provides a lot of support, both on a personal level, in providing insurances, further education and information, but also is actively campaigning, on behalf of civil celebrants, for modernisation within the industry, most especially with Civil Wedding Ceremonies.
The task of canvassing numerous funeral directors was met with mixed reaction, as expected, but the goal was to win over their confidence, to give me an opportunity to show them my skills. To date, I have created ceremonies for around 10 different funeral directors, and I am still hoping to win over more. I am occasionally approached directly, via online listings and my website – a vital tool for my business. I really benefit, personally, from my work as a funeral celebrant – having the opportunity to give the bereaved freedom of choice in creating the most personal send-off for their loved ones.
For the Wedding and Civil Partnership celebration ceremonies, I have experimented in various ways to gain work; advertising in an online magazine, also writing editorial content for them, but as yet, this hasn’t been productive and was quite expensive.
Another promotional opportunity, again not cheap, involves exhibiting at Wedding Fairs. These vary from shows staged by wedding venues, to show off their facilities and associated recommended suppliers; shows staged at venues by National Wedding Fair Organisers, such as Empirical and County Weddings. These companies also arrange shows at places which do not host wedding ceremonies, such as the Amex Stadium in Brighton and other National Exhibition Centres. These fairs offer stands to showcase the various suppliers to the wedding industry, Floral and event decoration, photographers and videographers, cake makers, venues, wedding dresses and suits, make-up artists and, not forgetting, Wedding Celebrants!
I hope that face-to-face engagement is the best way forward. However, I am learning very quickly, that a big part of this marketing is educating both the couples and the venues. Often, they are not aware of the options available to them, a registrar-led or a civil celebrant-led ceremony (once they have done their basic legals).
During the summer months, I was delighted to act as celebrant for a modest, unique but no less beautiful, Commitment Ceremony. The couple wanted to have a special day to mark their commitment to one another, in lieu of a marriage at a later date, the reason being that the brides mother was, sadly, terminally ill.
I was delighted to officiate a 30th Anniversary Renewal of Vows ceremony last spring. Knowing I am a professional singer, the couple requested that I sing a song while they were signing their souvenir certificate – specifically the song to which they did the ‘first dance’ 30 years ago, called ‘She Wears My Ring’! This is a USP for my work as a celebrant, and as much as I don’t push this as a possible feature, I do mention it in my early chats with clients, if I glean that it might suit their ideas. Also, I have been contacted directly through my website by potential clients who love musical theatre, having read my background.
By contrast, a sensational Wedding Celebration Ceremony was held in the Lantern Room at Farnham Castle in August 2023. This task was to create a fairly traditional British ceremony for a couple whose families were Azerbaijani and Kazakhstani. Coincidentally, both couples had chosen to have string quartets playing throughout their ceremonies, the one focussing on the glorious arrangements of modern pieces set in a more classical style, made popular as the soundtrack to the Netflix series ‘Bridgerton’.
I am now launching a Baby-Naming service and calculating the best way to market this. My aim is to promote naming ceremony options for everything from welcoming new babies, adopted and step-children into a new family unit, to gender transition celebrations.
I have issued press releases locally and I have had some success with free advertising, through local community publications and so far, three interviews with BBC Radio Sussex, thanks to my Panto colleague, Alison Ferns! The promotion goes on, and will be a vital part of my business – I hope, one day, that ‘word of mouth’ recommendations will begin to play a more important and productive role towards bookings.
So, if you’re looking for a chic, creative, eloquent celebrant, willing to consider any unusual themes or requests for your ceremonies, I’m your perfect choice; you may want me to sing a special or significant song during your ceremony, or perhaps dress up in period costume or even as Darth Vader! Maybe, you just want someone relatable and trustworthy to deliver something more traditional, then look no further than me, Mark, @civilcelebrantsussex
